


love/hate

by tsunderestorm



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25492411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderestorm/pseuds/tsunderestorm
Summary: “That’s fine,” Lelouch shrugs smoothly, thumb stroking Suzaku’s cheek as he reaches to cup it in his hand. Cold, bloodstained hands, hands Suzaku has always known he’d spend his life holding. He hates himself for the way he leans into it, the way he nuzzles against a murderer’s smooth skin, how this is the one hand that feeds that he cannot bite.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku & Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	love/hate

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt game on [twitter](twitter.com/tsunderestorm) and originally posted [here](https://twitter.com/tsunderestorm/status/1004836469482164225?s=20i%20hate%20y).

“Kneel,” Lelouch orders when they’re alone, crossing his legs primly on the throne. He’s wearing his new, formal outfit and Suzaku loathes him, despises him for the ridiculous, resplendent robe he’s wearing over his flight suit that leaves nothing to the imagination, resents him for the way he sits the throne like it was made for him. Still, he kneels, because even before he was Euphy’s knight, he’d dreamed of being Lelouch’s. 

“I hate you,” Suzaku says when Lelouch nudges Suzaku’s chest with the pointed toe of his boot. Antagonistic, trying to get a rise on him, drunk on the power of the throne he never wanted, playful in a way he had barely been even before everything had changed between them.

“That’s fine,” Lelouch shrugs smoothly, thumb stroking Suzaku’s cheek as he reaches to cup it in his hand. Cold, bloodstained hands, hands Suzaku has always known he’d spend his life holding. He hates himself for the way he leans into it, the way he nuzzles against a murderer’s smooth skin, how this is the one hand that feeds that he cannot bite.

“You’re lying,” he sighs as he rests his head on the outstretched hand, closing his eyes so he doesn’t see the way Lelouch averts his eyes from the sight. Disappointed, but not surprised. Lelouch has sadly always been a good liar.

When Suzaku opens his eyes, Lelouch is looking at him, with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Aren’t you?” 

—

The night before the Requiem, Suzaku sneaks into the estate Lelouch has been holed up in since the Damocles battle. “Are we really going through with it?” he asks of Lelouch’s back, turned to him as he strips off the outer robe and hangs it neatly in the closet. “The whole world hates you, but isn’t dying kind of like running away?”

Lelouch places the sword in his grip so he can reach to secure the belt bearing its sheath around Suzaku’s hips, a final dress rehearsal for their one night-only performance. The jewel-encrusted hilt is cold against Suzaku’s palms from Lelouch’s hands and they call it _atonement_. A pretty name for a sword, same way _Requiem_ is a pretty name for a suicide.

Tears in his eyes as Lelouch presses against him, chest to chest as he reaches around to tighten the belt, Suzaku chokes out “I hate you.”

When he pulls back, he smiles - the first genuine one in weeks. Stroking a lock of hair back behind Suzaku’s ear, he says “No, you don’t.”

He’s right, of course. Suzaku doesn’t, at least not as much as he _loves_ him, and that’s why it hurts so bad. Lelouch looks so small, almost pitiable, frail and thin. Suzaku loves him, still. Past all the empty promises on his silver tongue and the blood on his hands, past the scarlet letter on his chest as Euphy’s murderer and the lies he’s told sitting like lead weights in the pit of Suzaku’s stomach, he loves him. It’s an admission that doesn’t need made, something that is as obvious as breathing for the both of them: _I love you_ , but instead all he can bring himself to say is “No, I don’t.”


End file.
